Can I Bug You for a Minute?
Why the language we choose matters to our mind
Last Tuesday, I drove to my parents’ house near Canyon Lake, Texas. While I’d like to brag on being a doting daughter, I had an ulterior motive. They live one hour north of San Antonio, the host city of a women’s conference I was excited to attend the following morning.
The NAWBO (National Association of Women Business Owners) San Antonio chapter was hosting their Annual Women’s Summit, and one of my mentors and speaking role models, Jess Ekstrom, was the keynote speaker.
Jess is the founder of Headbands of Hope and Mic Drop Academy, a speaking course I had the privilege of taking in 2023. I received mentoring directly from Jess herself and was incredibly fired up to begin my paid speaking career.
That career path took a backseat once I began my yoga teacher training, leading me to open a yoga studio in Hico, Texas. For the next two years, I was bound to a weekly class schedule. I never saw it as a sacrifice. When I left corporate last fall, however, I dreamed about hitting the stage once again.
This event was the perfect opportunity to rekindle my passion for public speaking. Not only would it be a room full of female entrepreneurs, many of them were also Mic Drop graduates. In addition, I’d be meeting Jess in person for the first time, a highlight after her wisdom helped me grace the stage at Global Pet Expo to speak on leadership - twice.
I was confident going into this conference. Once a wallflower, I now get a rush out of walking into rooms where women feel empowered. Where wisdom is flowing and friendships are forged.
It helped that the NAWBO members were instructed to meet newcomers. I hadn’t been in the room more than sixty seconds before a vivacious woman in a gorgeous toile print dress introduced herself (also a Mic Drop Speaker Sister!).
The excitement of meeting a mentor
I quickly spotted Jess in a stylish jumpsuit across the room. When there was a lull in her “receiving line,” I made my way over for an introduction. Those of us attending the event had piped up in the Facebook group, so I blushed when she recognized me.
“I’m so happy you’re here,” she said with a smile.
We talked a little bit about life since the course. I shared how Mic Drop had helped me teach yoga, giving me the confidence to stand in front of a class and speak clearly and passionately.
My phone was stashed in my dress pocket the entire time. But despite the bravery I’ve cultivated over the last few years, I was embarrassed to ask to take a photo with her. It seemed too fangirlish. I didn’t want to impose or make her uncomfortable. I thought, as so many of us often do, “who am I to…”?
After returning to the table with coffee, I scolded myself. This might be the only time I see her in person. With determination and a shot of caffeine, I walked back over to her.
“Can I bug you for a photo?” I asked timidly.
“Of course!” she replied, rounding up her CEO, Dr. Kristine Sickels, who was another mentor in my Mic Drop Academy course.
We posed. We laughed. We pretended to drop the mic.
Never did she make it feel like an imposition.
The discomfort of taking up space
As I reflected on the moment later that day, I scolded myself again. The empowering conference was entitled “Turn Up The Volume.” I kicked myself for my choice of words.
Can I bug you?
It was a small slip-up. Nobody else would think anything of it. But when you are working on taking up space, being a little braver, stepping out of your comfort zone, those tiny little choices matter.
Asking Jess if I could bug her to take a photo implied that it would be an imposition. It also implied a disparity in our status.
There is value in a student-teacher relationship. We’re also, at the end of the day, two women, two humans, two speakers, two podcasters. We are equals in so many ways.
And yet, people pleasers like me tend to play it small, or have trouble feeling like we’re worthy of “bugging” someone who is more successful in the path we are pursuing. In reality, Jess was thrilled. Sharing her message and her work is a win-win.
I’m not beating myself over this occurrence, but I am using it as a teaching opportunity, both for myself and for other people pleasers like me.
More empowering language might be: “can we take a photo together so I can remember this great meetup?” or “hey, can we take a photo together? I’d love to share it on social media and help promote your work.”
Putting it into practice
I talked at length about this exchange on my podcast, Rock the Damn Boat. For some people, the photo experience would not have led to a whole host of ruminating thoughts. For those of us learning to play it big, however, it takes trial and error.
Notice this week how you might belittle yourself when you’re talking to someone. Do you tend to be dismissive or even self-deprecating? Do you tend to come from a place of embodying a “less worthy” person?
Can you flip the script on a diminished self-worth? Can you speak up for what you need while recognizing the value that you offer to this world? I promise, you have it in you.
It will be difficult at first. But you might end up with a pretty fun photo.
If you are interested in building courage, I invite you to a safe space. The THRIVE Collective is forming on Circle and 8 spaces remain for founding members.
$44/month unlocks the door to an online yoga and coaching space designed for those with a slightly more fragile nervous system. Step up and rock the boat, then recover from that vulnerability hangover with some nourishing yoga and breathwork. You belong in this room.